Those Few Extra Minutes…

One changes a great deal throughout the journey of grief.  I can no longer call Roy when I have a few extra minutes.  I cannot call him from the office and tell him I am on my way home and that he can put on the ribs for dinner.  This reality was instantaneous and took many months to adjust to – to really integrate into my daily awareness that he was not here … anywhere …. nowhere for me to call and to hear his voice.  Now I talk to him soul to soul and I know he hears me.

I have learned to trust my insights and knowings about the world and my life inside the bigger world.  I call upon me to figure out what needs to be done.  I still feel sad when I recognize the aloneness that accompanies me on this journey. However, I am released from the dark veil of grief that shrouded me for so very long.  I am fully present to more moments of welcoming the bright times of belonging to the world of possibility.  At this stage of my new life I can “multi-task” – I can miss Roy, feel happy, passionate and joyful and live life fully all at the same time. I am thriving in my life – not merely surviving.

Julian of Norwich states: It was not said that you will not be troubled, you will not be be belabored, you will not be disquieted. More so: you will not be overcome.

I was troubled, felt belabored, and experienced deep disquiet for many months.  And I was not overcome by Roy’s death.  I chose life.  For this transformation I am grateful.




  1. Kathleen:
    You write so beautifully and poignantly. Your expressions truly reflect the way I feel as well. I am learning to feel gratitude for all that I have rather than grief for what I lost. Time really is a great healer. I still miss Al so very much, and I have my times of grief and sadness, but I have learned to differentiate that from the overwhelming, mind-numbing depression that took over after Al died. I am so grateful for the people in my life who care for me and lift up my spirits and let me know that I am loved. I am grateful for my faith that sees me through each day, and, most of all, I am grateful for life and the opportunites still waiting to be realized. Keep on the path…your experience will add to all you do in life and all the people you touch along the way.

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