The thoughts that the mind produces can be a slippery slope. Since my last blog post about ghosting in relationships, I have received valuable feedback from so many readers, colleagues, and friends. Most have had similar experiences and have asked me for an update. It has been over five weeks since I last heard from him. Two weeks ago I mailed his belongings to him and asked that he return things to me and I have yet to hear anything back. From time to time I attempt to analyze, and thus perhaps understand, how someone could make this kind of choice. My 21st century mind has been trained to analyze and look for clues. Our minds eventually create a scenario that says something must be deficient in us because why else could this, that or the other happen? It must be about US. Here is the slippery slope: if the shortcoming or deficiency resides in us, then there is an illusion that we can do something about it, and thus possibly change the current state of affairs. In other words, we are often deluded into believing that we are omnipotent and everything is under our control.

The truth of the matter is we have no control over what others do. We have no control over what will happen in a given day. However, we do have control over how we choose to respond to the situations that we confront in our lives. We have the choice to build the mental muscle that can help us challenge these delusions of control. So yes, we can choose to be okay with all the feelings that we experience as human beings. We can also avail ourselves of new possibilities and create opportunities for fun and growth. We can also choose to remember all the great contributions that individuals bring to our lives, even when they make us angry and sad. In other words, the mind can do more than one thing at a time. We can get closure with ourselves and perhaps not ever know what caused people to act the way that they do.

The late writer Helen Keller stated that when one door of happiness closes, another will open; but we frequently look at the closed door for so long we do not see the ones that are opening around us. Getting through sadness does involve spending time looking at closed doors. When we are ready to open the new doors, we are free to do so. I am curious about many doors that are appearing on my path and wonder what lies behind them. I am reminded of the old television show “Let’s Make A Deal” where contestants were able to choose one of three doors. They were told that behind one of the doors there was a fabulous prize, like an all-expense trip for two to Paris. The task was to guess behind which door that wonderful prize might be awaiting them. In life there are typically more than three doors that we need to choose among when we are making decisions and changes. We are often asked to take risks with very little to inform our decisions. We often take a chance on what may or may not be a good thing for us in the end. It’s having the confidence and wherewithal to know that we will handle whatever comes our way.

Life is risky. Getting up in the morning is risky. Yet I truly believe that there can be enough greatness in a given day that makes those risks worth the effort. My late husband found great solace in a quote by the poet Guillaume Apollinaire:

“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t. We will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

 

I will continue to go to the edge despite the risks and uncertainties. I will jump and fully experience life. What the heck – there might be a really great something awaiting me over that edge!

Peace,

Kathleen