For the past year and a half I have had a chronic need to scratch the top of my head. This is a recurring condition that surfaces when I am under stress. As a result of the scratching, I have a bald spot at the top of my head in the crown chakra area. The crown chakra, Sahasrara in the Hindu tradition, is associated with one’s relationship to the eternal, a higher power, or God. Health issues associated with the crown chakra include nervousness and skin disorders. When I am nervous, anxious, bored, daydreaming, or driving my hand will make its way up to the spot. I feel soothed while I scratch this spot – similar to how one feels while biting her nails. I want this to stop but have not found the correct modality for stopping the itch. I know I am itching to soothe something – the continuing anxiety that has accompanied me since Roy’s death. Or maybe I itch to soothe the anger and rage that I feel about the unfairness of life. Or perhaps my spiritual life is demanding more attention.
This week I made an appointment with a cranial sacral practitioner (www.upledger.com) to see if she could help me. The minute I walked into her office I felt a sense of calm. I became tearful as I explained my issue and outlined all that I have been dealing with since Roy’s death. She was very compassionate and reflected back to me that it was apparent to her that I have worked very hard to get to the place I am today. We proceeded with my session and at end she asked that I talk to the sore spot on my head and see what it could tell me. She left the room and placed a piece of blank paper on her desk. She suggested that I write down what I heard. I heard the spot tell me that it was angry at God for taking Roy from me. For the next 24 hours I did not scratch my head – this was the longest period of relief in 18 months. It would seem that my spiritual life is asking for attention.
Metaphysical and intuitive healer Louise Hay writes about self healing and the mind-body connection. I checked her book You Can Heal Your Life for some ideas. In this book, Hay discusses that the body, like everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Our bodies are always talking to us – we just need to take the time to listen. She states that THE HEAD represents our sense of ourselves. It is what we show the world. When something is wrong with the head area, it typically means we feel something is wrong with “us”.
So what does this all mean to me, my life and this latest episode of head scratching? My mind is overworked by the continuing acclimation to this strange new world as a single woman. In some ways I continue to feel odd as a single woman. However, at the same time, I am dating men and am learning to enjoy how it feels to get close to some of them. “Getting close” involves being vulnerable and opening up about me, my life, and my dreams. Not too surprisingly “getting close” raises stress levels – I wonder consciously and undoubtedly unconsciously about how am I being seen by these new men – am I accepted and acceptable?
As Louise Hay notes, the head represents our sense of self. I believe the head scratching is how my body is letting me know that I worry about being accepted more than I am consciously aware of. In other words, unconsciously the symptom is scratching at me to be recognized. Bottom line: Will I ever be loved by another man as I was by Roy. More so, will I love myself well enough to stand tall in my new life as a single woman and be secure whether I meet a new special someone or not?
I will continue to work with my cranial sacral practitioner. I already have a better understanding about the mind-body-spiritual connection. On many conscious levels all is well in my world. I think this regularly and proceed “full steam ahead”. The top of my head however is saying “Pay Attention … Go slowly … Something is bubbling to the surface”. I am learning to manage this nervous scratching/soothing habit by talking to the top of my head … Asking questions like “what do you want to tell me”. Then I sit and reflect while looking out at the ocean from my terrace. I am calmed by the eternal nature of the ocean and am connecting to my understanding of the Divine. The journey of grief waxes and wanes – my body and spirit know this in many ways that my mind does not.